Redefining Narcissism and Trauma

It really pains me to see so many people hating on certain so-called segments of our society.....yes, sure, psychologists claim that 1 in 4 are narcissistic....let me tell you the truth that ii see, that is each one of us has the ability to show these tendencies....because we are all in pain....we are ALL traumatized in one way or another....whether we know it or not.

And yes absolutely it is each one of our responsibility to ensure that our triggers and fears do not ruin other people in the process....but not everyone has the strength to actually do this.

People who are in daily pain are weak people who do not have the strength to help themselves and therefore they need help to cope with their emotions, thoughts and actions. 

Being in a relationship with a known narcissist is an incredibly painful challenge and ii urge couples to address these type of concerns long before the church bells start ringing.

In my opinion, those of us who enjoy gossiping and speculating about so-called narcissists are in fact also narcissists, myself included, because this type of behaviour also stems from the place of ego because the ego thrives on comparison and this is an easy trap for all of us to fall into.

In my opinion people who present or identify as "Echoists" aka empaths, are really just subliminal narcissists because we are simply suppressing our own personalities because of our past trauma. These people believe that other people’s happiness and needs come before theirs and this they believe to be a requirement in order to find love and approval. 

Like narcissists, the opposite end of the scale also display poor mental health and end up in dysfunctional relationships because ultimately they tend to give more than they receive. 

Echoists seem quite content in putting others' needs before their own and this is just as unhealthy, especially when taken to extremes. 

We see this a lot in many co-dependent and 'people-pleasing' relationships because the truth is where you find narcissism - echoism is always close-by. The irony is that as some people obsess over how NOT to be a narcissist, they are really also just exhibiting self-absorption. 

In my opinion the only way to overcome trauma-based personality traits is to constantly observe ourselves. To be deliberate about the way we wake up each day and how we go to sleep and everything that we do in between that time. 

The most important step to healing our trauma is to observe our thoughts because our thoughts really do control our lives. 

If necessary we must go and find some way to help ourselves to develop self-love and healthy relationships, but most importantly we have to find ways to address our traumas so that we do not continue to hurt ourselves and others, especially our children. 

I will love to see a society that recognizes that we are ALL completely damaged, and ii am yet to meet a person who has absolutely no trauma at all. 

It's completely ridiculous to hate on people that you consider to be narcissistic because that basically makes you one as well, even though you were traumatized by such a person.

In this particular case ii do not believe that the solution is in the problem.....the only solution to this problem and most of our people-problems is LOVE! 

As a collective-people we really need to learn how to "unlove hate" and realize that unloved people hate themselves. And then you have people who are not able to unlove the person that hurts them and they keep going back for more because they don't really love themselves. So this vicious circle is causing havoc in our world today. 

Collective trauma in any society is real and not just historical facts. Besides the issue of the ‘fatherless family’ ii do believe that societal trauma is the second greatest risk to public health in our world today. And sadly all trauma emerges from empty egos because all versions of hatred dwell in empty egos that lack the ability to self-heal.

No matter what has happened to us, it is each one of our duty to ourselves and to our communities and to future generations to heal our own trauma.

And it's important to realize that healing does not mean that the trauma never existed and believe it or not ii have had patients who once healed, missed their trauma so much because it felt weird and abnormal to the patient to not have the trauma anymore...like something was 'wrong'...and these types of emotions are perfectly normal as well and simply means that more healing is necessary. 

The best thing you can do is to find a way to actually embrace your trauma, and please believe me, ii do realize how ridiculously awkward and  uncomfortable this suggestion sounds! I am suggesting that we try to find a way to actually 'love' our trauma through acceptance so that we may reach that place where the trauma and pain no longer controls your emotions, your thoughts and ultimately your life. 

Love truly is the ONLY remedy for emotional pain and trauma because trauma blocks love and love heals trauma and ii highly recommend it because it transformed my own life! 

 

If you claim to be an empath 

The Fatherless Family and how the plant can help us to be better parents

 

In my opinion the most significant health crisis the world is facing right now is that of “Fatherlessness”.

As a major public health disaster I now believe that every social ill faced by our children in this world is also directly related to fatherlessness.

Statistics reveal that children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, more likely to get involved with drugs and alcohol, more likely to drop out of school, more likely to do crime and most importantly these children are also more likely to suffer with health and emotional problems throughout their lives. They are also more likely to become parents while still teenagers thus exasperating the fatherless societal syndrome we are seeing play out today.

Some of the main root reasons for the rise in the fatherless family in our world today are illiteracy, illegitimacy, homelessness, prison, military service, certain fertility procedures and suicide.

Let’s take a look at some of the real consequences of fatherlessness in our world today.

1.   Scarcity is the back door to trauma, addictions and poor health 

If you take a look at the statistics revealed in the US Census Bureau under ‘Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics’ you will learn that in America children living in female-headed families with no father, had a poverty rate of almost 50%.

This shows that children living in fatherless homes are 4 times more likely to be poor.

In South Africa an alarming 60% of our children do not live with their biological fathers.

2.   The Fatherless Family is the Gateway to Alcohol and Drug Abuse

 

In my opinion the number one reason why studies show that children from fatherless homes often engage in self-harming behavior and present with high levels of addiction and anti-social behavior is the sense of abandonment and lack of confidence that children experience. This type of trauma can follow a person for a lifetime.

When you walk the streets of Cape Town many young people will tell you how they found affection and encouragement from gangsters. They will tell you straight up that they turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the daily pain. 

In many communities worldwide this is an ongoing pattern that fuels intergenerational trauma and ultimately some form of dependency and even co-dependency.

On average the studies reveal that fatherless children are 70% more likely to take drugs and 76% more likely to do crime. These are the dramatic consequences of fatherless families and their impact on public health.

 

3.   Children living within fatherless families are also living with poor mental and physical health

 

A 2006 study (Hofferth, S.L) looked at 1977 children from age 3 upwards living with a resident father, and showed that these children had far fewer externalizing and internalizing behavioral problems than children living in fatherless families. This study also showed that fatherless children are twice as likely to commit suicide.

The effect of historical changes that led to the destruction of the nuclear family unit also led to a total disregard for the nature of the father-child relationship and the impact of this relationship on human development.

How we show up in life is largely dependent on our overall state of health.

4.   Research reveals that 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless

Children from fatherless families have a greater struggle academically and this results in illiteracy, poor thinking skills and poor decision making skills. According to this research fatherless children are less likely to achieve academic qualifications in adulthood.

5.   Fatherless children are more likely to engage in delinquency and the result is crime

Studies have been carried out to explore the relationship between family structure and the risk of violence in neighborhoods. The results showed that if the number of fathers is low, then there is an increase in teen violence in those neighborhoods.

These studies also show that teenagers who live in areas with higher levels of family integration commit less violence and crime.

In the Journal of Marriage Volume 67 pages 767 to 780 it is reported that children living with both biological parents were less likely to experience sexual assault or to witness other types of major violence in their families compared to children living in single-parent or stepfamilies.

6.   Teenage pregnancy and the impact of illegitimacy

In many poor countries today people are controlled by the social grant and especially the child grant. This has also resulted in many poor families encouraging pregnancy as a means of securing an income for the family.

A lot of impoverished people can only see social grants as a short term solution to their daily hunger that prevents most people from calculating the true costs of raising a child.

In many places today this is the only income they have and the pressure to fall pregnant weighs heavily on young people.

Today in America 1 in 3 children are living without their fathers and the statistics show that teenagers from fatherless families are far more likely to be sexually active compared to teens living with their fathers. (Hendricks CS et al, 2005)

In many communities today the reality is that the dysfunctional family unit has ultimately led to the destruction of the nuclear family

 It is no secret that father involvement makes a huge difference in the emotional lives of children.

In a study of 17 000 children born in the UK in 1958 and who were followed up with at ages 7, 11, 16,23 and 33 revealed that children with involved fathers have less emotional and behavioral difficulties in adolescence and that teenagers who felt close to their fathers go on to have more satisfactory adult marital relationships.

This study also revealed that girls who have a strong relationship with their fathers showed a lack of psychological distress in adult life.

It is ironic that so many families are fatherless due to so-called Cannabis crimes…..and yet I have seen how this plant can heal these families and the millions of fathers who are imprisoned within the system of sadness.

How can Cannabis help to overcome the emotional impact of a father’s absence?

Cannabis can help us to allow ourselves to grieve the pain of growing up without a father. The plant can also help to build our self-esteem by helping us to let go of any guilt that often exists, and most importantly the plant can offer forgiveness. All of these things contribute to having healthier relationships.

I would really like to see a society where we have more “stay-at-home dads” and more fathers who are prepared to mentor fatherless children.

A society that nurtures the idea that single fathers could also be full-time caregivers to their children.

An increasing number of mothers are using Cannabis to help them parent and I encourage fathers to do the exact same!

Women have been using Cannabis to be better mothers since forever because the plant makes them feel better and happier in their bodies and minds.

Calmness and patience are two benefits that are most commonly reported and many mothers report that using Cannabis helps them to get into the headspace where they can patiently help with their children’s homework and activities.

Cannabis calms the nervous system down and helps busy moms to slow down enough to spend quality time with their children in the evenings.

Through responsible adult consumption of the plant so many moms say that they are able to be ‘truly present’ with their children and this inspires creativity.

Managing the often difficult emotions that come with parenting like frustration is easily overcome when you invite Cannabis into your lives

In the same way as some people use alcohol to escape their reality, other people use Cannabis to be more involved in what they are doing and we see this filtering through to the parenting realm.

Even though in my country we have fought decades for the Cannabis for Private Use Bill, it is important to note that it is still a punishable crime to be caught smoking Cannabis or anything in front of a child. So even though most people’s grandmothers are now using Cannabis there is still a huge stigma attached.

One thing I really do not want to see is a society where Cannabis is used against a parent in child custody battles and divorce settlements. We already have had over 50 years of this situation and I have personally been to court many times to help prevent people losing their children because they consume the herb.

Parenting is about consciousness and Cannabis makes us very conscious. If nothing else, it cuts down on alcohol consumption and this is a major win in our society

Conscious parenting and co-parenting is when as adults we let go of our egos, needs, desires and attachments to strive for judgment-free caring of all aspects of our children’s lives with the aim of raising children who are in touch with their authentic selves.

This all adds up to a gentler, calmer and more peaceful style of parenting where parents find ways to truly ‘be’ with their children.

It is interesting that adult-use Cannabis laws have been linked with a decrease in foster care admissions

A study conducted at the University of Mississippi looked at foster care admission in American states before and after adult-use Cannabis was legalized. Bear in mind that recreational use is still not legal in the state of Mississippi.

This study conservatively confirmed that there was at least a 10% reduction in total foster care admissions since legalization. The study also found that admissions due to physical abuse and neglect also decreased after legalization.

This proves that Cannabis legalization definitely reduces many threats to child welfare

Cannabis is already famous for helping people with stress and anxiety and many parents report that the plant helps them to be better parents and co-parents. Cannabis can help parents to overcome sleepless nights as well as the general frustration associated with raising children.

Cannabis is all about human health and happiness and there is a lot of truth in the fact that happy parents raise happy children so I encourage parents to have a look at how the many benefits of the human companion plant can bring more health and happiness into your life.